invites you to ENTER the
NAME THAT FIREWALL
a Genuine, Unique
Rules Referee Bobblehead
It's that time again. Every six months or so system managers start
whispering that the emperor's new
Threat Intrusion Detection
and Prevention Appliance with Barbed Wire option
...yes, it's just a fancy name for "firewall."
a faster firewall.
a firewall with more capacity for rules.
a faster firewall with a whole new set of rules that make it ever so
much better at filtering packets.
but still... a firewall.
You know, a packet filter. Something that looks at packets to determine
whether they come from the good guys or the bad guys.
Our information infrastructure
is utterly dependent upon the ability to look at a packet stream and
tell what it's up to. Where is your money? It's on a bank's disk drive
somewhere, protected mostly by a packet filter.
Packet filtering is like what cops do when they stop a car that looks
like it might be driven by a drug dealer. That's an easy way
catch the dumbest drug dealers, you know, they ones who advertise what
they're up to. The smart ones of course make sure they don't look like
Same way with packets. Packets that come from dumb thieves and vandals
advertise what they're up to, leaving only packets from the smart ones,
you know, those that
can do real damage. Firewalls and their progeny will always be good at
catching relatively harmless packets, and as long as they show results,
specific blocked intrusions, people will buy them while leaving the
door wide open to the hackers who have enough smarts and ambition to
disguise what they're up to.
The military has a name for a similar activity: "electronic
countermeasures." It's a fancy term for a full employment program for
engineers (really smart people can have difficulty getting jobs if they
let on that they're smarter than their bosses) who try to intercept the
enemy's communications while foiling the enemy's interception of their
own communications. Remember the spy-vs-spy stuff in Mad
Yeah, the countermeasures game goes on forever. No one can possibly get
an upper hand. Like I said, full employment.
So anyway, we have this full employment program for firewall vendors
but it depends on having a new name for your basic firewall plus extras
just about the time when people figure out that the existing name
means "firewall" which of course means "packet filter." And since we'll
be trying and failing to filter packets until the cows come home our
will always have work.
Unless we - you and I - fail them.
You see, they're engineers, not marketers. They get embarrassed when
the adjectives start to fall like rain from the sky.
That's why they hire marketing VPs who hire ad agencies who hire
positioning consultants like us who come up with fancy new names.
But now there's a problem. We're exhausted. Depleted. Coming up with
"unified threat management appliance" utterly drained us.
kind of creative writing uses a lot of energy, you see. We need
reinforcements. And therein lies your opportunity.
Vendors are desperate and are prepared to make an extraordinary offer
to the person who solves their positioning problem. The good stuff has
been left for you. Yes, we consultants got paid good money for
efforts BUT did the firewall industry ever have to go
so far as to offer us a Firewall
Rules Referee Bobblehead?
The answer is NO. This uniquely valuable prize is reserved for YOU if
you come up with the best synonym for "firewall" to be used for the
next six months.
So. Moment of truth! It's time to give it your best shot! Just enter
your fancy new moniker for the trusty old firewall and those engineer
dudes will keep getting their paychecks for another six months. AND if
winner you'll get an Official Packet Rules Referee Bobblehead
to put on top of that trusty firewall, I mean Packet Intruder Detecter
Scanner Fixer Snortonlinuxonplainoldpc Fancy Box
So go ahead. We need you. Just click the bobblehead below. You'll be glad you did.